Rockumentary

Oh man, guys - I've been holding out all week for this one. It is, of course, the absolutely mind-blowing Behind The Music-esque "Zack Attack" story, narrated by one CASEY KASEM! Fans will remember that this is Casey's second visit to Bayside, which I guess that isn't really surprising because I mean what else did Casey Kasem have to do in the 90's. This episode has so much singin' and dancin' and pop clichés and ridiculous clothes and singin' and dancin' and Friends Forever and Did We Ever Have A Chance? and dudes it is just the greatest. The only things missing from this episode were Mr B (who I missed) and Jessie (who I didn't). Seriously though, you'd have to be pretty glutton for punishment to pledge eternal friendship to Jessica Myrtle Spannow.

Also in this episode, Zack doesn't really sing and but the dude who does sounds a little like Don Henley, Slater doesn't really sing and but the dude who does sounds a little like Michael McDonald, Lisa doesn't really sing and but the lady who does sounds a little less like Don Henley, and Kelly doesn't really sing and but the lady who does sounds exactly like a cat trying to claw its way out of a burlap sack in the bottom of a river. Additionally, publicist Mindy Wallatzer is like Yoko but without the Asian, Zack dresses like Vanilla Ice, Slater dresses like Evel Knievel, Lisa becomes an American Gladiator, Kelly dresses like a nun, what appear to be transvestite Madonna and Michael Jackson impersonators give out awards, Bar Mitzvahs! are mentioned, and Slater just drums and dances and sings and dances and drums and smiles and sings and dances and smiles and smiles!

WHEW

Today's Quote

Kelly: Are you really interested in us?

Brian Fate: Does Bart Simpson have animated zits?

Um, no?

Most Implausible Moment

Hahahahaha.

Ha ha ha.

PUNS! Watch

Casey Kasem: "Little did they know, fate was at their door..."

Brian Fate: "Hello, I'm Brian Fate!"

-AND-

Lisa: "If you don't get rid of Linda, I'm gonna throw her out the winda."

I know, I know, that's not a pun. But it is GLORIOUS.

Daddy, Did People Actually Talk Like That? Watch

Brian Fate: People, people, this studio costs mucho dinero ... MONEY.

Made Up Magazines Watch

The following made-up magazines make an appearance today:

1. Billbox

2. The National Inquisitor

3. Sins

4. The Hollywood Reporter

Hahaha, ZING on you, Hollywood Reporter!

Also, the fake Billbox actually has the headline visibly glued onto it. Um, if you're going to go to the trouble of printing up a fake Billbox, why, uh, why wouldn't you just print the fake headline ONTO THE ACTUAL MAGAZINE SAVED BY THE BELL?

Couplets! Watch

Slater, Kelly, and Screech: "School is a bore, when you're stuck indoors

Make it fun, put it out in the sun!

Hit the beach, teach

Let us learn while we buuuuuurn!"

Poingancy! Watch

Casey Kasem: This garage, which gave birth to so many hopes and dreams, is empty now...

Haha, so is my brain, Casey! Now!

Have a good weekend everybody!