Friday, August 11, 2006

Running Zack

Sorry about the delay everybody. I ran into a couple of problems this week (moving, new DVR, etc, etc), but I was at least able to catch today's episode. I'm going on vacation for two weeks, but I've got the DVR hard at work while I'm gone, so the last week in August should be rich with Quotes of the Day. Hoorah and all that.

Moving on, today, Saved by the Bell tackles the difficult issue of race relations with all their renowned subtlety and maturity. You see, it's talk about your ancestors week in Miss Wentworth's Whatever the Hell Miss Wentworth Teaches class and look out because it turns out Zack is one-kablillionth Native American and, to teach Zack a lesson, Miss Wentworth sends him unaccompanied to a pot-smoking Indian surfer's house. Then the guy dies. Then Zack almost doesn't run in the big track meet against Valley. But then the Indian surfer's ghost visits him (what?) and he does, and a nation's wounds are healed because if there's one thing the white man and the red man can agree on, it's that Valley sucks.

Also in today's episode, Slater's family's only accomplishment is that one of them was a bullfighter once which sounds about right, Screech is the descendant of an Italian spy for some reason and uses that as an excuse to do the worst Italian accent ever (Mama mia, whassamatta for you, Screechini!), and, most importantly, Lisa's ancestor was a slave and Jessie's were slave traders so there is a lot of white guilt shone through the prism of crazy that is Jessie Spannow.

Today's Quote

Chief Henry: Your people ran too, Zack. Only, not for trophies - they ran to preserve their way of life.

That's some deep shit, man.

Most Implausible Moment

Oh, I guess I'd say the part where Zack is visited by the GHOST OF A DEAD INDIAN.

PUNS! Watch

It was a misunderstandathon in Miss W's class:

Lisa: "...he became a conductor on the Underground Railroad."

Screech: "They had subways during the Civil War?"


Miss Wentworth: "We can all learn from the mistakes of Jessie's forefathers."

Screech: "Jessie has four fathers?!"

Also, ouch, Miss W!

AND, lastly, you didn't think we'd get out of this episode without this, did you?

Zack: "Hey, and you could help me be an Indian..."

Screech: "How?"

Zack: "That's a good start."

What Is Wrong With Slater? Watch

After Lisa attests to the bravery of her escaped slave ancestor, Slater adds:

Slater: "My great grandfather was brave too. He was a bullfighter."

Yeah, I can see how fighting for the freedom of your race and fighting a cow are equivalen -- Jesus, Slater, you are an idiot.

Miss Wentworth Should Seriously Be Fired Watch

Well, on top of sending a minor to some crazy dude's house without any permission from anybody AND announcing people's grades in class, she's also got a potty mouth:

Miss Wentworth: "Zack has my permission to go kick some Valley a-- rear-end.

The Powers Family Tree Assemblage Corner

Two more today:

1. Luigi Powerelli - dashing debonair Italian lover and spy. Great grandfather paternal side, I'm assuming.

2. Aunt Hannah - the one who looks like an old Indian but with thicker sideburns. Side not mentioned.

Remember the 90's?! Watch

Jessie (to Lisa): "I will carry you on my back."

Slater: "Hey, there's a picture - Driving Miss Dizzy."

Hahaha, oh man that Slater wit claims another victim.