Thursday, June 24, 2004

Craziest Thing I Have Ever Seen

Wow. I have just witnessed one of the strangest moments of episodic television that I have ever seen . And, brother, I've watched a lot of TV.

In this College Years episode. a beloved professor dies in the common room of the gang's suite. Then, Zack, Slater and Screech go sky-diving. Oh, and Kelly tells Zack she loves him. Also, the Dean of Students is heartless and cruel. For no reason. At all.

Ouote of the Day

When recounting former acts of bravery committed by one AC Slater, Screech offers:

Screech: What about the time you went on a blind date with my cousin, "Goiter"?

Man alive! Why didn't we get to see that episode?

Most Implausible Moment

This is hard, as the entire episode made little to no sense, but I'll take a stab at it and say that when the beloved Professor tells Zack, for no apparent reason, that his entire career is a sham, the episode enters into its greatest heights of implausibility.

Strangest Moment: When said Professor offers quotations from Mussolini and Napoleon as moral instruction to his students.

As Mr. Belding might say, WHAT IS GOING ON HERE??

Wednesday, June 23, 2004


OK, so I was dreading having to watch part 3 of the Hawaii Debacle. I have only seen this Saved by the Bell primetime movie once or twice before, I distinctly remember it sucking.

So, imagine my pleasure and excitement when I found a Miss Bliss episode committed to my Supercable memory! And while I understand that this may be controversial, I must say that I find the Miss Bliss episodes to be delightful! Thank you, Supercable!

So, without further ado, The Great Potato Stock Market Disaster!

Today's Quote

Milo, King of Janitors, on potatoes:

Milo: Potatoes go with everything - you can boil 'em, bake 'em, fry 'em, fillet 'em - they're the food of the 90's.

Most Implausible Moment

Easily the ending, when Miss Bliss hands the class a phone book and tells them to get selling the 3000 lbs. (!) of potatoes that she bought on margin.

After they call the supermarket and some maybe some local restaurants, who the hell does she expect them to call?

"Hello, Mr. Carey, this is Mikey Gonzalez from the John F Kennedy Middle School here in Indianapolis. Could I interest you in a pound of potatoes?"

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

School Song

The School Song episode. Hoooray!!

Today's Quote

The nerds take it again:

Louise: A day without music is like a day without trigonometry!

Most Implausible Moment

Oh which to pick, which to pick!

Is it when Screech allows the Lisa, Slater and Tori to completely change his song with nary a complaint? Is it when Screech's Home at Our School ties Zack's Cool School, meaning that the Bayside student population is exactly half nerd? Is it the fact that Zack's Cool School is easily the least Glee Club friendly song in the world?

I'm going to go with this: How is it that every student at Bayside seems to be able to play the piano?

Monday, June 21, 2004

Mr. Belding's Baby

Today's Quote

When Screech and Mr. Belding are in Mr. B's office right as the earthquake begins:

Screech: It's a volcano!

Most Implausible Moment

Looking past the absurd premise and the fact that the Belding baby seems to have been born without any after-birth mess or an umbilical cord, I'm going say that today's most implausible moment is Slater's ridiculous karate kick when he kicks down Mr. B's door.

Looks like all those viewings of "The Karate Kid" have paid off there, A.C.


Also of note: Today is the second time in a week that the SBTB writers used the "What's the number for 911?" gag. Let's see if we can go for three, guys.

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Perfect Mate

I had Hot Dogs today for lunch, and they were delicious and totally awesome. Almost delicious enough to take my mind off the fact that I was watching "The College Years." Almost.

First off, has there ever been a more ill-advised gambit in the history of network television programming than "Saved by the Bell: The College Years?" Possibly, but not very many.

Today, the hack writers couldn't even milk laughs out of Screech paired with an infatuated chimpanzee? Are you kidding? Even a chimpanzee could milk laughs out of Screech and a chimpanzee!

Theory: Any TV show that can't milk laughs out of a chimp deserves to be cancelled, because everybody knows that chimps are the funniest thing ever.

Corollary: Based on that theory, Lancelot Link: Secret CHIMP should be the funniest television program ever made. And, indeed, it is.

Today's Quote

While discussing a "Perfect Mate" computer dating program test:

Screech: I took one of those tests once - it said my perfect mate was Whoopi Goldberg!

Most Implausible Moment

Remember before, when I was talking about the chimp?

Wednesday, June 16, 2004

Tori the Biker Chick

OK, so today was the first episode of the almost unbearable Tori season. But, for you, the reader, I will suffer through the next week or so, enduring this completely inconsistant character (she's a tough biker chick - except that she isn't at all) and the horrible (even by SBTB standards) and annoying performance by Ms. Leanna Creel (who is not only a twin, as we all know from when she and her sister dated Steve and Brandon on 90210, but is a triplet! Sheesh!).

Couple this with the fact that every Friday seems to feature 2 episodes of The College Years, and I've got a rough week ahead.

Quote of the Day

Tie! Both occur in Belding's office at the initial planning meeting for the Fall Ball. When Ox, the refreshments manager, is asked what he has planned for refreshments, he exclaims:

Ox: Beef Jerky and guacamole dip!

And, when Lisa's plans for "Fall in Paris" theme is deemed too expensive, Big Pete offers this suggestion:

Big Pete: How about a Math Theme - where people come dressed as their favorite numerals!

Theory: The relationship of the three main male leads (Zach-Slater-Screech) is echoed in the relationship between the three nerds, where Big Pete is the Nerd Zack, the black nerd is nerd Slater, and the tall, gawky nerd is Nerd Screech.

Most Implausible Moment

While not really a moment, a question permeates this episode and every Tori episode hereafter:

Where the hell are Kelly and Jessie?

Screech's Sauce

Today's quote:

Tie! It was either:

Screech: Darn, I forgot my Uncle Fester wallet!


Mr. Belding: Mrs. B. just loves your commercial. "The sauce you can-a have, but the secret, she's a-mine!" HA-ha!

Theory: Any time Mrs. B. is mentioned, it is comedic gold.

Most Implausible Moment of the Day:

When the lawyer from Betsy Crocker's cookbook serves Screech a cease and desist letter in THE FRONT HALL OF BAYSIDE HIGH SCHOOL.

What, Screech doesn't have a home mailing address?

Monday, June 14, 2004

The First Post

Now that it is summer, I eat lunch at home, which means that I will be watching at least one episode of Saved by the Bell a day, which in turn means I will try to find one nugget of Saved by the Bell gold a day!

Today's quote:

Screech: "Gift Wrap? Isn't that MC Hammer's new song?"