Friday, September 3, 2004

The Fabulous Belding Brother

Sorry to say, this IS THE VERY LAST Saved by the Bell Quote of the Day for the summer. Thanks to everybody for reading these - I hope you had as much fun as I did! I could put these somewhere on the site so they last forever. Is there interest in that?

Anyway, on with the show:

So today the class is going on a class trip to Yosemite Sam National Park with Mr. Belding! That is, only if they all can pass mean Mr. Dickerson's History midterm! Not only is this test hard (it seems to cover all of history from AT LEAST the US Civil War to World War 1 and no one has passed it in 3 years!) - Mr. Dickerson's spirit can detach from his physical body and enter text books, Magic Johnson posters, and even TV's (where he is prone to rapping)!

Conveniently for the gang and the plot, Mr. Dickerson has an unexplained off-camera nervous breakdown all of sudden and the studly but irresponsible (how is that combination possible?) Rod Belding subs for him! This gives Mr. Belding a chance to ACT which makes me giddy.

Then there is nonsense and white water rafting and CPR and Slater in the most ridiculously skimpy outdoorswear I have ever seen! Seriously, he looks he got fired from the "Great Outdoors Spectacular" at Chippendale's for dressing too flamboyantly. So awesome. Plus, we learn that Zack pronunces of the word stewardess in this super weird way (stew-ard-ESS) that has cracked me up since I was twelve.

Today's Quote

Screech: "I don't need a girl to keep me warm. Mom's packed three pairs of long johns - with a padlock on the trap to keep the bears out!

Saved by the Bell Quote of the Day Hall of Fame

I'm SO glad we're ending with this, my personnal favorite Saved by the Bell Quote of all time:

Screech: Wow! A building with two Beldings, one of whom is balding!

Most Implausible Moment

Rod Belding is a dream of implausibility. Nothing about him is plausible for even a second - he's that amazing. He should have had his own implausible spin-off.

Fat Nerd SWITCHEROO Watch:

What'd they do with Alan? Who's this Milton character?

Milton: "I think we should visit the Hershey Chocolate Factory!"

Zack: "Fat chance, Milton!"*

*That one can also be filed under "PUNS! Watch".

Milton: "Let's go to the Hostess Museum. I hear they have a great Ding-Dong exhibit!"

Zack: "You're a Ding-Dong, Milton."

See, we can't even pretend Alan said these cuz Zack keeps saying Milton STOP SAYING MILTON ZACK!

"Fade-In to Mid-Story" Watch

Rod: " I said to the head of the airline, 'Find another Vice-President. I want my summers off to follow my dreams.'"

How'd This Get Past Standards? Watch

Mr. Belding: "It looks like they were making out to me!"

And with that ladies and gentlemen, I'm outta here!

Thursday, September 2, 2004

Fake I.D.s

Clever title there, Saved by the Bell. So today, the gang makes fake IDs. This is really easy for them because they take a photography class, which trains them in exactly 5% of the skills they would need to make a fake ID. Luckily, the gang at Bayside don't want fake IDs for the reason the rest of the teenage world wants them (ie to get drunk without having to ask that creepy guy's older brother). They want them TO DANCE!

Additionally, some how I must not have been paying attention, because between Tuesday and today, Kelly has dumped Zack for Mr. Jeffrey I. Datehighschoolgirls and Zack has already forgiven them and moved on! But uh-oh, because Kelly is just one high school girl and Jeff likes to buy in bulk. Who can blame these girls? I mean, a 20-something diner waiter who dates 16 year-olds. What a catch!

Also in this episode, Mr. B. teaches photography because otherwise he would not be in this episode and he's under contract, Screech dances with a schitzo man-woman named Reggie, and Slater wears a bolo tie! A bolo tie!

Today's Quote

Mr. Belding (showing slides): This is Mrs. B. at Seaworld.

Kelly: Why is she eating raw fish?

Mr. Belding: That. Is. Not. Mrs. B. That's Shamu! The whale!

Most Implausible Moment

I love how they show Screech making fake ID's by having him sit in front of a developing tray, using the tongs to push something around.

"...and then I just place the paper into the magic elixir, move it around, and PRESTO! Fake ID's for everybody!"


Also, I love how Zack pretends to be in college by starting every conversation, "Hey isn't college great?!" Man, that's how I used to score in college too!

Slater's Strange Hypotheticals Watch

Screech: "You know Slater, through this lens, your nose hairs look like the Amazon Rainforest!"

Slater: "If you don't get that camera out of my face, I'm going to have the natives come out and eat you!"

Wait a second. Slater is going to have his boogers eat Screech?


PUNS! Watch

Mr Belding: "Now that you've all taken a lot of pictures, let's see what's developed! HA-ha!"

The James Lipton Subtle Moment of ACTING! Watch

Mrs Morris comes into Zack's room, whistles "Puff the Magic Dragon, unroles a "Peter, Paul and Mary" poster, and says, "He'll like this."


How'd This Get Past Standards? Watch

Kelly: "Hey, I'll be OK after a few minutes of screamin' in the ladies room."

Wednesday, September 1, 2004

The Wicked Stepbrother

Man, TBS! Are you all kinds of stupid? Why air Part One of this two-part epsiode today and not run Part Two tomorrow? I think you're drunk a lot and it is affecting your work.

So, today, I noticed something. Saved by the Bell has what could be the rosiest and most optimistic view of human nature this side of Michael Landon. In Bayside, everybody (that is, everybody who isn't from Valley) is deep down a good person who is basically decent and honest and an all-around good citizen. Sure, they make mistakes, and sometimes they lie and scam, but the wrong-doers always see the err of their ways and make amends.

This is why "bad" characters on Saved by the Bell are always SO awesome! The writers are simply incapable of imagining someone who is just a dick, plain and simple. Enter, Eric, the blackmailing prick who is really just a nice guy who misses New York! And the lamb shall lie with the lion...

So, in today's episode, Jessie's Mom gets married (which we were expecting because of all the time the show sent setting this up to make it convincing), and her step-brother is mean and from New York. We know he's from New York because he is rugged and tough and wears a lot of leather and denim. This is also how we know he is a cowboy and in a motorcycle gang I think. Additionally, there's scamming and blackmail and Judaism and cars and video tapes and cassette tapes and the worst Humphrey Bogart impression ever.

Today's Quote

Zack: I think you should have your head checked for bumps.

Screech: Why? All five are here.

Most Implausible Moment

So today Zack employs his Time Out function. This is when Zack all of a sudden gets a super power to freeze time and explain his complicated plans to us, the simpletons of TV land.

Now, an entire television show (Out of This World) was built on the premise that the teenage star had this very power. They went at great pains to explain its origins (her Mom boffed an alien) and to show the hillarious consequences that could stem from its use.

Whereas, on Saved by the Bell, Zack's ability to freeze time is taken as a given and is ONLY used for exposition. What a responsible young man!

These Boots Are Made For Walkin' Watch

On toilet seats:

Zack: "Actually, she's right. Girls can fall in if they're not careful."

Screech: "Then toilets should have seatbelts!"

Lisa: "And your mouth should have an airbag."

Airbag? Mouth? What does that mean?

Nerds Rights Watch

Zack: "What are you doing? Your locker's downstairs with the nerds."

Student lockers are distributed by coolness? I guess that's a way to do it...

Who'd This Get Past Standards? Watch

Screech: "There's a gopher trying to burrow in my underwear!"