Monday, March 21, 2005

The Substitute

It looks like I'll be eating lunch at home for the next two weeks, so back to the old SBTB grindstone. And look what we've found today:

Uh-oh, Miss Simpson's back is out due to an old hockey injury (Hahahaha! Old ladies don't play hockey Saved by the Bell!). You know what this means! No, not cruel jokes aimed at the elderly, deaf and feeble. Well, actually, yes, cruel jokes aimed at the elderly, deaf and feeble, but also substitute teacher extraordinaire, Handsome Dan TONY CRANE! It seems the girls of Bayside have fallen for this Shakespearean stud, and who can blame them? Sometimes he dresses like a pirate and all the time he wears bright white socks with loafers, just like their grandfathers!

Also in this episode, Miss Simpson on a skateboard (Hahahaha! Old ladies don't ride skateboards Saved by the Bell!), a bit where they do that tooth sparkle effect where I actually laughed, Slater and Zack offer the pinky swear as the default teenage form of contractual agreement, and there's this actress named Vicki who does that awesome pan-European accent that you only hear in sitcoms! Is she German? French? Italian? Stop, you're all right!

And you know what Saved by the Bell? You're all right too.

Today's Quote

Slater: It's gonna get worse Preppie. I've seen this in other schools I've been to: some smooth talkin' teacher comes in, and, before you know it, he's taken our women.

Screech: He's gonna take our mothers?!

Man, where did Slater go to school? Roman Polanski Junior High? Jerry Lee Lewis Elementary? The Rob Lowe Middle School?

Ha! I got a million of 'em!

Most Implausible Moment

Well, looking past Miss Simpson (period) and all the nonsense with the actress, I'm going to highlight this little gem:

Jessie: "When he looked at me during the fire drill, the smoke detectors went off."

This is one of those sentences that, at first glance, appears to make sense, but, the more you think about, the more you realize that it is absolutely, ludicrously, beautifully nonsensical. Is there word for that? If not, allow me to suggest one: This, ladies and gentlemen, is a Slaterism.

Comedy 101 Watch

Today's lesson: How to make the handicapped work for you.

Mr. Belding: "Miss Simpson, did your back go out again?"

Miss Simpson: "No no. My back went out again!"

Hahaha! A+!

"Remember the 90's?!" Watch

Zack: Teenage girls are suckers for the great poets, like Jon Bon Jovi, Axel Rose, and Jazzy Jeff..."

Wait a second. When was Jazzy Jeff famous?

Theatre of the Absurd Watch

Woman on Loudspeaker: "Mr Belding, please report to the gymnasium. Tiny Hartwick is stuck in the net again."

Mr Belding: "I told them to stop using him as a volleyball."

Geez. How small is this kid?

OK, remember to check in every afternoon for the next two weeks! There'll be something here I bet.

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