The Wicked Stepbrother

Man, TBS! Are you all kinds of stupid? Why air Part One of this two-part epsiode today and not run Part Two tomorrow? I think you're drunk a lot and it is affecting your work.

So, today, I noticed something. Saved by the Bell has what could be the rosiest and most optimistic view of human nature this side of Michael Landon. In Bayside, everybody (that is, everybody who isn't from Valley) is deep down a good person who is basically decent and honest and an all-around good citizen. Sure, they make mistakes, and sometimes they lie and scam, but the wrong-doers always see the err of their ways and make amends.

This is why "bad" characters on Saved by the Bell are always SO awesome! The writers are simply incapable of imagining someone who is just a dick, plain and simple. Enter, Eric, the blackmailing prick who is really just a nice guy who misses New York! And the lamb shall lie with the lion...

So, in today's episode, Jessie's Mom gets married (which we were expecting because of all the time the show sent setting this up to make it convincing), and her step-brother is mean and from New York. We know he's from New York because he is rugged and tough and wears a lot of leather and denim. This is also how we know he is a cowboy and in a motorcycle gang I think. Additionally, there's scamming and blackmail and Judaism and cars and video tapes and cassette tapes and the worst Humphrey Bogart impression ever.

Today's Quote

Zack: I think you should have your head checked for bumps.

Screech: Why? All five are here.

Most Implausible Moment

So today Zack employs his Time Out function. This is when Zack all of a sudden gets a super power to freeze time and explain his complicated plans to us, the simpletons of TV land.

Now, an entire television show (Out of This World) was built on the premise that the teenage star had this very power. They went at great pains to explain its origins (her Mom boffed an alien) and to show the hillarious consequences that could stem from its use.

Whereas, on Saved by the Bell, Zack's ability to freeze time is taken as a given and is ONLY used for exposition. What a responsible young man!

These Boots Are Made For Walkin' Watch

On toilet seats:

Zack: "Actually, she's right. Girls can fall in if they're not careful."

Screech: "Then toilets should have seatbelts!"

Lisa: "And your mouth should have an airbag."

Airbag? Mouth? What does that mean?

Nerds Rights Watch

Zack: "What are you doing? Your locker's downstairs with the nerds."

Student lockers are distributed by coolness? I guess that's a way to do it...

Who'd This Get Past Standards? Watch

Screech: "There's a gopher trying to burrow in my underwear!"