Monday, December 29, 2008

A Home for Christmas

Ho ho ho, and happy happy. Like a BB gun hidden behind the radiator, here's a late Christmas present from me to you guys -- some new SbtB QotD's! I'm just puttering around the old Stevestead for the next couple of weeks, so I should have some time to watch television. Especially at lunch. So here goes.

In today's episode, the gang all get narratively convenient jobs at the mall for the holidays. The downside? No Mr. B. The upside? Nothing! Anyway, seems the mall kindly opens their bathroom to allow homeless men to perform their morning toilette, and this leads to lessons. Remember kids, not all homeless people are schizo's with drug problems, so trust everyone!

Also in this episode, Slater proves incompetent at manual labor leaving the question as to what exactly he'll do with his life, Jessie is racist against children, Squeeze 'n Squirt lives up to her name, Screech has this mistletoe beenie which is just the tops, Slater dresses in this sleeveless elf costume that has to be seen to believed and then should probably be promptly unseen if you want to go back to ever feeling comfortable again ever, and Slater ties himself to a box which isn't possible but whatever I guess. Also, Lisa triumphantly returns to her candy striping post to give presents to children but mostly to reveal OMG the girl Zack is totally crushing on is totally homeless, so but for the grace of God, maybe they're just like us, etc etc. I think I heard this speech on the subway once.

Today's Quote

Kelly: He's homeless? That poor man . . .
Screech: Of course he's poor - that's why he's homeless!

Haha, so guess what? That one actually made me laugh. A Christmas miracle!

Most Implausible Moment

So, the gang somehow makes it magically snow inside the children's ward at the hospital, which first isn't really possible unless your children's ward is also a television studio and second can't be the best idea for a sterilized environment.

Hey kids, nevermind your already dangerlously compromised health - look, it's fake snow! Impossibly falling from the non-ceiling!

What's the Number for 911? Watch

Slater: "Screech, call 911!"
Screech: "Great. What's the number?"

Uh, I hope you saved the gift receipt, Saved by the Bell, because, well, you've given us that joke four times now.

Remember the 90'?! Watch

Screech: "Gift wrap? Isn't that an M.C. Hammer song?"

This could also be filed under Puns, except Puns is better than that.

Saved by the Bell Subtly Imparts A Message

Zack: "You see, I really don't know much about the homeless people."

Yes, please tell me more about the homeless people, SbtB - their customs, their language. Do they celebrate Christmas too? I mean, do they know it's Christmastime at all?

Obscure Literary Reference Alert

Laura the Homelessess: "A Christmas Carol? I love that story!"

Really? I'm not familiar with that one. What's it about?

How'd That Get Past Standards? Watch

Slater: "Don't worry about that, Mrs. M. - I'm good at everything I do."

Screech: "It's not what you think! I'm potty trained - she isn't!"

Jessie: "It's ok, as long as you don't kick me or bite me."
It's good to have standards, Jessie.

These Boots Are Made for Walking Watch

Zack: "I made gingerbread women."
Slater: "Gingerbread chicks. I like it."
Jessie: "For you, they should've made gingerbread pigs."

I'd like to think that that isn't so much a "joke," as a poignant, cynical reminder of how, year after year, we find ourselves unavoidably trapped in the same perfunctory roles over the holidays, mindlessly repeating the same worn out phrases, greetings, and wishes, all of which have long lost any meaning to us or the people we say them to. Like players in an endless Christmas pagent, we enter the stage, mumbling our lines to uncaring audience, who dutifully preserve it all on video cassettes no one will ever watch.

Or it's another dumb joke about how Slater is sexist and Jessie thinks that's bad.

Happy holidays everybody!


B Haughey said...

It's a Christmas miracle! Yeah, I remember that episode very fondly. All I recall is that all a homeless dude who lives in a bathroom needs to get a job is a new suit. And bring a feral father-daughter combination into your household, kids.
Household Tips, Tricks & Hints

PositiveMode said...

"Well it didn't happen all at once. First, the computer plant I worked at closed down, and I couldn't find another job. Then one month the rent came due, and I didn't have it. So, we were homeless."